At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize