so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
