It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think people are normalizing furries
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
