Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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