Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize