It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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