i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
