if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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