he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Enjoy the penises
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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