he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
