Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Randomize
