i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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