Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
