I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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