There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize