at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
