Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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