Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
