This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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