She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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