sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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