Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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