you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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