That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
