I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize