maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
