Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
