Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
