Four minutes until I can fart!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
