I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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