Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
