to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
