i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
