I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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