Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he thought i was a dude.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
