The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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