I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
