Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
