You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
