I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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