dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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