She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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