I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
