They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
