how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
