I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
