90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
