She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize