We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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