As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize