sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
