Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
