in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
