Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
