i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
