I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
