I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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