New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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