Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
