Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she peed on how many people?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
