Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
