The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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