Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
