So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
