ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
